Wow, uh, that was lucky.
Six months later, the scientists walk out of their lab saying they’ve genetically engineered a type of plankton that absorbs and destroys greenhouse gases. The plankton is very cheap to produce, you can perfectly control its rate of reproduction, and there are zero negative side effects.
Over the next few years, we deploy the plankton into our oceans. Temperatures return to where they were before the industrial era, extreme weather events become much less common, and the polar bears have food again.
Everybody is so happy that we’ve solved climate change, the world’s leaders declare a three-day holiday to celebrate. A huge statue is erected in your honour. At the unveiling, your high school English teacher gets on stage and tearfully says, “I was so wrong when I said you’d amount to nothing!” Just then, she pulls off her face and you realize she’s a giant plankton, and suddenly your ex is there, who asks you if you want to go ice-skating…
