1.5 2070

The News

All the news, all the time.

3 January 2070

Top article

The Global Climate Council is great!

They saved our planet, now they can fix all of our other problems

  • thumbnail Malaria reappears in Nigeria, but no problem because the Council deploys a vaccine in record time
  • thumbnail Quality of life skyrockets in once-poorer countries; “Sovereign states led to so much injustice,” says new minister for global fairness
  • thumbnail Young people in northern hemisphere experience first cold winter: “Thanks, but we hate it. Can we get global warming back?”
  • thumbnail After 20 years, sea ice is spotted again in the Arctic; ice sheets keep collapsing, but Council spokesperson assures us they will become more stable in time
  • thumbnail India sees their first season without monsoon due to disruption of the hydrological cycle
  • thumbnail The trees are coming! Increased woody vegetation expansion across Africa turns grasslands into savannas and savannas into forests
  • thumbnail 500 more reasons that the Council is the best